Tuesday, March 28, 2006

My japanese name

Saw this at Miss Ellie's livejournal, and couldn't resist. And man my Japanese name kicks ass! =D

My japanese name is 猿渡 Saruwatari (monkey on a crossing bridge) 美晴 Miharu (beautiful clear sky).
Take your real japanese name generator! today!
Created with Rum and Monkey's Name Generator Generator.



Yarr!

Monday, March 27, 2006

Dammit.

Well, that special someone mentioned in the previous post is now back in Freezerville, and I'm still here in the land of horrendous internet connections. Well ok, now it's good, but for the whole of today it's been pin-the-cable-on-the-donkey at the office again.

Last week was brilliant. Absolutely fabulous in every way.

Half of Barcelona is now diabetic due to us.

We were such a typical sickly sweet couple at all the touristy places and the bars and restaurants, not really concentrating as such on the views or food, but rather just holding hands and being mooshy.

And boi was it good.

Managed to do some schoolwork during the week aswell, but not that much. Had other stuff to concentrate on.

Now before roommate-and-then-some came, my dear friend who's also here told me she didn't want to see us. Fair enough, and not a problem. She told me about some places I might want to visit with RMATS, which was quite nice.
Then once RMATS has been here for three days I think it was, DF calls up and asks if we could all meet and do something together.

Clarity, people. I need clarity. I really really don't like being told one rule, and then changing it two days later.

Yeah, sure, ok. She came over and we talked all of us just normal likes and no heavy emotional stuff, which was really weird. Me and RMATS know that this girl has repeatedly told us she doesn't want to see us together or even be friends as such, and now she's called up and came over and we're having pleasant chitchat about how her weekend was and his trip here so far.

Eventually I had to ask that um, well, I really don't get this lets keep our lives separate thing, because then you do this and we're hanging out all together and our lives are very much not separate.

She wanted closure. She didn't want to leave things at the stage of both of us pouring our guts out and saying that it's been a shit time and let's cool it.

Sort of a hatchet-burial I suppose. The three of us went to dinner (during which RMATS was very quiet, I could see that he was not quite comfortable with the situation, but well..), and after that for drinks. While roaming around me and RMATS held hands, and when DF's friends called to see where she was, she told she was out with Mirri and her boyfriend -so it looks like acceptance is in the air.
The whole night was very civil, but RMATS and I took our leave once DF's friends joined the bar.
Enough of emotional baggage for one night that was.

But still, the week was absolutely amazing in every way, even though there was some screwup with his hostel (my room is tiny, the walls here are paper thin, and my bed squeaks if you breathe on it - so we opted for a hostel...), meaning that the first two nights were in a single bed, the next four nights in rooms with twin beds (which could be pushed together, but eventually slid apart anyway..), and the last night in a room with a double bed.
Which squeaked when you breathed on it.
And it was the room right next to the reception.
It's not like the reception people could sleep anyway with people arriving at all hours of the night...
In any case, won't be needing to see them again...

Coded enough? ;)

Anywho, till later y'arr.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

There goes that pattern..

Ah well. I knew that if I actually said it out loud (well write, but still) I'd jinx it and here we are. No update on Sunday, and yet one on Tuesday. Regularity - why it's my middle name! Sorta.

Things have been mighty goodly fine and dandy this week so far, and I've been doing a lot of touristing with my dear roommate-and-then-some, among other stuff. Don't worry, I'll spare you the details..

We've been sleeping at his hostel (after some re-arranging of bookings and such), but visiting my place for online goodness and the convenience of having a kitchen.

And that's about it for now, I'll come up with more things to say when I'm not so distracted by that special someone being just two metres away.

Up, up and yarr!

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's a blogging pattern!

Just looked at my previous posts, and seems I've pretty much fallen into a bi-weekly schedule of updating on Wednesdays and Sundays. I assure you this has not been on purpose, and now that I mentioned it I'll probably break the pattern anyway.

The week so far has been fairly uneventful.

Monday we had the tourist drive, which was quite nice, and now I'll hopefully be able to pretend to know about stuff once people come to visit. The dinner afterwards was more of a nibblies and sandwiches thing, and I suspect many were left hungry after touring from 11-19 (though I ditched the tour at fiveish to go home for some life-sustaining tea, and then reappeared for the free food).

Yesterday I turned up at uni only to find out that our lecture was cancelled, and thus headed back home again straight away. Figured that now I'd have time a-plenty to get this essay started and really really do schoolwork.

After an impressive amount of whining and procrastination I did actually get half the essay done, so I'm almost there. Though I've run out of things to say. But it'll be fine, I'll just invent stuff, get creative with my paragraph sizes and fatten it to the right size without the hassle of finding more substance to it.

And here we are, Wednesday, where the uneventfulness of my life still continues along the same old tracks. Had uni, should study, probably won't.
Might go visit an inner city school tomorrow, which should be good.

In any case I've noticed that this week I just can't concentrate on anything, and dont particularly want to either, because I just want it to be Saturday already, dammit! Find myself smiling like an idiot at times, and seem to have a fieldful of butterflies within me.

Anywho, enough o' that, till later folks.
Yarr.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Slow paced blogger

Seems that if I decide not to whinge here, then I just don't update at all... Oops.

What can I say, complaining is one of lifes finer pleasures.
This week has gone by fairly quickly without doing all that much. Went out friday with a bunch of people from my class, and twas fun. First we went to a pub in which you could order gigantic drinks. So first me and a dutch gal (I swear, I've met more dutch people than spanish ones..) consumed 1 litre of vodka&orange, as did a few other people around our table as well.

Someone decided that that was just not enough, so we got a 6 litre vase of the same stuff, which the 8ish of us emptied rather quickly. Straws can be tricky..

So from there we staggered to our main destination of the night, a club called St Tropez. And I did the unspeakable - I payed 15€ entrance. But! Wait! Before you judge, the entrance did include a t-shirt (it was a physical education teacher ed organised party, so all the money went to a good cause) and two drinks (of which I could only have one, was a teensy bit too wobbly to trust myself with another one...).

But yes, got home at around 5am ish. One of our entourage had a car, and he was nice enough to drop everyone home, so hooray for that.

Saturday was very quiet, and very still. Shh, people, shh...

Today a bunch of people from this house went to play lazy beach volley again, and it was fun, and fairly warm untill the wind kicked in.

Tomorrow I'll be doing touristy stuff for the whole day, as our university has organised a tourbuss from 11-19, and then dinner at our university, just for us exchange people. So that should be good.

And and and! Saturday next week my dear dear dear roommate-and-then-some will be here! =D
Lemme tell ya, we'll be so sickly sweet the whole of Barcelona will be diabetic after that week.

That's all for now, so till later y'arr.

Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Goddamn Spanish connection.

Quick whinge, as I probably won't be online for longer than a minute.

Yep, this damn 'connection' keeps cutting out. I swear in some office there's a bunch of drunken engineers playing 'pin the cable on the donkey' or something, and thus preventing me from having my sweet sweet online time. Bastards!!

This has resulted in a couple pictures of enraged people, so atleast I'm channeling my anger into creative stuff.

But still, aargh.

Just give me my broadband, and nobody gets hurt.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

No whining, just updating =).

So the previous post was indeed insanely long, sorry bout that folks. Today we'll merely take a look at the happenings of the weekend =).

Friday I had an exam for a course I'm studying online, and I think it went fairly well, so hooray =). That night the residents of the house gathered downstairs to sit around the table and drink&play drinking games, which was quite fun. Staggered to bed at 3am.

Saturday, woke up very very thirsty. After some quenching continued sleep untill about 12ish. An hour and a half later three duch girls, one american and myself headed towards the beach for some hungover beach volley, which was quite fun. After playing for a couple of hours we found some insanely greasy food, which brought us all back to life.

We got home tired, sweaty and sandy, and my plan was to be in bed by midnight.

But, well, plans tend to change.

After a few hours of relaxing online time (yes, a net addict I am), I found myself wide awake - and thus agreed to hit the town with a few other people.
We didn't actually get to town untill about 2 am, where we then proceeded to wander aimlessly to find three more people to join with, and once we located them it was time to find the next group of people who were in some club which was the target of the night.

Naturally nobody really knew where it was, so we took a bus to get closer, and then realised that we got off too early anyway, and so we walked. And walked.

At about 3:45 we found the club, with a huge line in front. It apparently cost 12 euros to get in. So at this stage I wished the entourage a good night, and hoped they'll have a good time, and I turned back and walked for about 20 minutes, to get to the taxi stands, waited another 20 minutes to actually get a cab, which I achieved by looking tiny and pathetic.

I sorta cut the line a bit, but I was a poor little girl all alone at 4:30 am with a bit of a cough, so the taxi driver stopped infront of me, instead of the other twenty-odd people in line, hooray! And he also turned the heat up a bit, gave me a lozenge for my throat and told some touristy information about the buildings we passed.

That seriously was the high-light of the night, the nice taxi driver.

Heard today that the others got home at about 6, and the club really wasn't all that anyway.

Woke up today at just a bit before two, feeling good and refreshed. Managed the washing machine easily this time, and am currently procrastinating from homework, which I'll most likely start thinking about doing soon. Probably.

Ok, so there was a bit of whining, and it was a bit of a long post. But the weekend was good all around, and I'm almost healthy again! Still got a slight cough, but it's on its way out.

That's all for now, over and out =)

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Blargh. Insanely long post, sorry.

Still sick. Still coughing and constantly blowing my nose and all sortsa fun stuff.

It's been an interesting couple of days, on which I will elaborate in just a moment. But first a small discussion on my policy of naming people. So far I haven't, and the few people mentioned here other than yours truly (yah, well, it's my blog about me, ya think I'd really talk about others that much? =)) have gone by either their blogger names, like Sponge gal, or dear friend, or roommate-and-then-some. But now the following story will be mainly about the dear friend and the roommate-and-then-some and frankly, just takes a lot of effort to write all that. So initials it is.
Dear friend is X. and roommate-and-then-some is Y. Got it? Good, ok, on with the story. Ye need a bit of background so it'll make more sense. I hope.


Me and X. study the same thing in Freezerville, ie are in the same class. We met when our studies began in September 2003. Turned out our class wass full of wonderful people and we became quite a tight-knit group of 18 teachers of the future. During that year we also naturally met other students from the teacher-education faculty, and in among them was Y.

First year flew by quickly, and one of the girls from our class moves in with a friend of Y.'s, thus the lot of us becoming friends. At some stage of the second year (ie autumn of 2004) X. tells me and another gal that she thinks that Y. is rather cute. Throughout the rest of the year X. and Y. spend more time with each other and become really good friends, though no-one is really sure if they're together or not. Christmas time clarified that, sorta, though in the new year of 2005 if you didn't know, you couldn't guess - they seemed to avoid PDA.

2005 started off rough for X., and she spent a lot of it crying and there are reasons for this, but not really my business to disclose, so I wont. Y. naturally wanted to help her with all of it, but yeah, lots of big issues and hard to know what to do, how to do, when to do.
As spring of 2005 advances, studies end for the year, and X. prepares to go abroad to work for the summer. She's having doubts about herself and Y., feeling that he might be progressing a bit too fast. Y. is planning on going with X.
A bit before it's time for X. to leave, she breaks it off with Y. She's worried that he cares more about her and that she'd be leading him on if he came with her.

Whilst all this I'm in the background somewhere, listening when people want to talk and thus i know all this. No eavsdropping, all the info was volunteered to me =).

Summer of 2005, X. abroad, Y. at home near Freezerville, me at home far away from Freezerville. The couple whom I mentioned in the first line of the second paragraph hold a bbq at their place near Freezerville. I head over, and Y. is there too, long time no see. He's got a new apartment, though due to some mix up there's a spare room which he really has no use for. I'm without a place to live in Freezerville, and thus we agree to become roommates. I instantly inform X., who actually seems happy to hear it, and says it should be a fun year then. Hooray!

Well, uni starts, I move, and the roommateness with Y. begins. X. heads back to Freezerville aswell, and has to stay with us for a couple of days before her tenant clears out of her apartment. The instant she walks in Y. freezes up and clearly wants to run away, and X. is ready to burst into tears.

The next couple of weeks are a teary time for X., and she comes over regularly, declaring that she actually still has feelings for Y., and can't they try again. Y. explains that his feelings have changed, and he doesn't feel that way about her anymore.

I'm still in the background and don't really know what to do. Some odd tension is growing between me and Y., but as there was X. falling apart in front of us, the tension was pushed aside.

One night a whole bunch of us were out and about, and at some stage me and Y. realise we've been holding hands for the majority of the night. Something to be discussed once we get home..

We both know that we shouldn't, that there's more people involved than just the two of us, no matter how nice, right and wonderful even just holding hands felt. We decide not to act upon feelings and control ourselves.

The next couple of days are incredibly shit. Need I remind you that I was still living with Y. and every time I saw him he looked completely heartbroken, quite mirroring my own emotions. I didn't want to be at home, and I didn't want to be anywhere else and life just sucked.

X. came over one more time to see if Y. would get together with her again. She falls apart completely, and neither Y. or I know what to do, and once X. left we went for a long aimless drive to the middle of nowhere, because the walls were seriously caving in. Both of us cursing why life cant be simple, and in unison decide to make it even trickier.

Now with me and Y. feeling and allowing ourselves to feel a whole pile better, there's X. to consider. How to tell her.
How do you fix someone, who's falling completely apart in a very literal sense?
- Probably not by dating the guy of their dreams.

Still, has to be done, a few days later I go over to X.'s place and own up. Decided the least thing I could do is give her home-ground-advantage.

And that, is the basic history.

Since then X. and I have tried to see if the friendship is still there. I've felt guilty as hell, surprise surprise, and decided that whatever comes my way, I'll take it. Throughout the autumn of 2005 I got such a vast array of mixed messages from X. I had no idea what she wanted. She wanted me to tell her everything. She didn't want to hear anything. She didnt want to see me or him, only to call about a week later asking if we could meet. She still came over a couple of times, invited me to her place to watch a movie and talk.
She missed a life-drawing class for her Arts, and I posed for her (she gave me a big ass,but spose that's fair ;))[though this was not guilt-driven, atleast not entirely. Had the air between us been neutral I still would've posed, and perhaps still been depicted with a big ass].
At times she lashed out at me and blamed me for everything that was wrong with her life at the moment, then called the next day to apologise, and the next time to take the apology back as she doesn't have to apologise for how she feels.

And I quite simply just took it. Didn't defend myself though I could've, because didn't think I deserved to say anything back, and was worried that I might make things worse.

So here we are, in Barcelona. The first couple of weeks here we've been together very much 24/7, helping each other out with all sortsa stuff. Told her a few days ago that Y. will be here in three weeks. Ok, good she said. Thankyou for telling me now, maybe I can get all the obsessing out of the way before then.

The next day we had an online conversation for an hour and a half, where she first said that she was a bit upset, and then proceeded with the blaming and the martyrism. Now I was just tired.

Not again.
First I thought, fine blame me. If that what makes you feel better, then do it. Pour shit on me, and I'll hand you the bucket back so you can scoop some more up, just like I've done for the whole autumn.
But then I thought, screw it, I'll speak my mind and we'll see where that goes.

Indeed she was on purpose provoking me hoping to get a reaction. Apparently she couldnt understand how I could claim to care about anyone when nothing seems to touch me. I dont have any emotions according to her.
What can I say, first of all I'm not one to wear my heart on my sleeve, and all this time I just wanted to keep things as easy and painless for her as possible. I let myself be vented on, gladly, if that'll make her feel better.
That has been my main goal in all this.
To make her feel better, which she naturally doesn't belive, but then we've got one or two trust issues to solve I guess.

Anyway, all of this has thus resulted in a cooling-off period. She says that though we'll of course see in school and all, she'd rather keep our lives separate for now. She wants to be friends, but she cant help but feel insanely bitter.
It's a big city, the both of us can fit here.

In case of emergencies we can still naturally call each other, and have to aswell. But yeah.


So this is the baggage I've got with me at the moment.

Y. will be here in less than three weeks, and I cant wait =).

Once again, sorry for the long post, but I guess I just wanted to rant once again, and maybe clarify things for myself also.

Ttfn,
yarr.